Late Night Thoughts from Your Ex-Lover

I wonder about you as I lay on my bed that creaks each time I toss and turn to find comfort.

I wonder how you're coping after our goodbyes. 

Do you feel the same tinge of sadness I do?

Do you reminisced our good days and our bad?

Like when you first said "I love you," and "You look beautiful today."

Like when we had our first fight over dinner at my place.

......

When did everything went south for us? 

Was it when I started developing ugly emotions over the new girl at wor? Was it when I realized how different you are when we're together? Or was it when she started to seek for your 'guidance' in everything, even when there were other guys who were lining up begging for her attention?

I think it was everything. And we did nothing to fix it. You and I just went with the act until the final blow.

Good God. The final blow.

It was a ticking time bomb waiting patiently to explode. When it came, it sent you and I hurling through the cold winter air and we landed head first on the snow...at least I did anyway. When I came to my senses, I realized you were gone. 

Strangely enough, I didn't call out for you like how I always would. I laid there staring at the snow as each snowflake landed gently on my face; kissing me ever so gently. It was comforting enough.

Eventually I found the strength to rebound. And never once did I look back since then.

.....

But tonight, as I lay here on my bed listening to the chilly summer rain pouring outside, my thoughts came to you. 

Are you crying over her death? The death of your love and your unborn child?

Are you thinking of following her to the afterlife, like how you said you would when I broke the news to you in the emergency room?

Or are you thinking of me? And our baby boy who will be turning 5 tomorrow, and will never learn who his father is?

Deep in my heart, I hope you'll come back to my arms.

.....

But I know you won't.

And that's okay.